What Pride Often Misses

There Is No One Way to Experience Attraction

Pride celebrations have helped increase visibility and recognition for many LGBTQIA+ communities. Yet some identities continue to remain underrepresented and excluded from mainstream conversations.

One assumption that often goes unquestioned is that everyone experiences sexual and romantic attraction. But asexuality and aromanticism remind us that attraction is not universal, and there is no single way to experience connection, intimacy, or relationships.

Asexuality refers to experiencing little to no sexual attraction, while aromanticism refers to experiencing little to no romantic attraction. These identities exist across a spectrum and people may experience attraction, relationships, and closeness in different ways.

Despite growing awareness, people who identify as asexual or aromantic still encounter misconceptions such as:

• “You just haven’t found the right person yet”
• “You’re afraid of commitment”
• “It’s just a phase”
• “You don’t face exclusion or discrimination”

These assumptions can have a real emotional impact. Research studying 12,449 people on the asexual spectrum found that nearly 65% reported experiencing minority stress connected to their sexual and/or romantic orientation, including invalidation, pressure to conform, and experiences of being misunderstood or dismissed because of their identities.

From a mental health perspective, asexual and aromantic individuals may sometimes feel isolated, misunderstood, or confused due to limited representation and constant invalidation. The fear of negative reactions can make it harder to speak openly about one’s identity. Some may even feel disconnected from LGBTQIA+ spaces themselves.

When people do not see their experiences reflected by the outside world, it can contribute to self-doubt and a reduced sense of belonging. Research also suggests that social pressure and uncertainty around identity can affect wellbeing, highlighting the importance of spaces where people can explore themselves without judgment or expectations.

It is also important to remember that attraction is not the same as intimacy. Asexual and aromantic people may still form deeply meaningful relationships, partnerships, friendships, chosen families, and communities in ways that feel authentic to them.

Therapy can offer a space to explore identity without pressure to explain, justify, or conform. Feeling seen and understood should not depend on whether someone’s experiences match dominant ideas of love, attraction, or relationships.

By recognising asexual and aromantic experiences, we remind ourselves that there is no single way to experience attraction, connection, or belonging.

- Abhilasha Dhariwal, Psychologist, Feel Fuzzy

Looking for LGBTQIA+ affirmative therapy?

This piece was written by Abhilasha Dhariwal, therapist at Feel Fuzzy. Abhilasha works with identity exploration, emotional wellbeing, and relationships, and brings both professional and personal understanding to conversations around experiences that are often unseen, including within the aromantic community.

Whether you identify as asexual, aromantic, are questioning, or simply want a space where there is no expectation to feel attraction in a certain way, therapy can be a place to explore what feels true to you.

If you’re looking for a therapist who approaches conversations with curiosity, affirmation, and without assumptions, you can learn more about working with psychologist Abhilasha Dhariwal here.

 

References

1. Chan, R. C. H., & Leung, J. S. Y. (2023). Experiences of minority stress and their impact on suicidality among asexual individuals. Journal of Affective Disorders.

   
   

2. Zheng, L., & Su, Y. (2022). Sexual Minority Identity and Mental Health Among Individuals on the Asexuality Spectrum in China: A Longitudinal Study. Archives of Sexual Behavior.